The Main Allure
The Main Allure podcast is inspired by the need to tackle the big questions with a healthy dose of humor and authenticity.
Her goal is to inspire and motivate you to embrace who you are in order to attract what you want, because you are the main allure.
The Main Allure
Ep. 4 | Unmasking Imposter Syndrome and Overcoming Self-Doubt
Have you ever felt like a fraud waiting to be exposed? That nagging inner voice questioning whether you really belong or deserve your success? Welcome to the world of imposter syndrome – that peculiar psychological pattern where capable, accomplished people doubt their abilities and fear being "found out."
But here's the unexpected twist: what if imposter syndrome isn't entirely negative?
Whether you're personally struggling with imposter feelings or supporting someone who is, this episode offers practical strategies to transform self-doubt into self-awareness.
🎶 Nas - I Can
Welcome to the Maine Allure podcast with your host, laura. In today's episode, we're going to talk about the elephant in the room. Yes, we're going to talk about imposter syndrome. By definition, imposter syndrome is when you doubt your own skills and successes. You feel like you're not talented enough or worthy enough as others believe, and you're basically scared that one day people are going to realize that you're essentially a fraud. You feel like you're afraid that someone will figure you out. It leads you to having this anxiety because you're afraid that you're going to lose everything you work for as a result of all of these crazy feelings.
Laura:Imposter syndrome could fall into one of these five different categories. So the first one is the perfectionist. And now this is the type where you set these standards that are extremely high for yourself. You feel like you must do everything perfectly. You end up working and overworking on perhaps the same task until you feel it's absolutely perfect, which ends up leaving you working on the same thing over and over and you never move on into something else. You typically struggle to accept that perfection is unattainable, and you often dwell on those perceived flaws. One example that I can think of is, if you're an artist, you tend to perhaps work on the same piece right the same either piece of music, piece of art and you're always refining and tweaking and doing all these things and everybody's like, hey, where's your? When are you gonna show us your amazing work? And you're like wait, but I'm still working on it, I still need some more time. So that's an example of that perfectionist mindset.
Laura:The second one is the superhuman. This one is a little similar to the last one, but the issue with this one is that you tend to always believe that you must excel. One is that you tend to always believe that you must excel at everything that you take on. You don't want to feel like a failure. You feel like you have to juggle all of these different things so that you can be perfect at everything. You don't feel like it's hard for you to delegate some of your work, because you want to make sure that you handle it yourself instead of allowing others to help you. So it's hard for you to seek help and a lot of times this happens because you don't believe that others will work at the same standard. So because of that, whatever work they do, if it doesn't meet your standards, then you feel like you also failed. And we see this with people who are essentially workaholics. They're always staying late at work, they're making sure that things are running smoothly. You can also think of school projects, where there's always that one student who always ends up doing most of the work. They're like no, no, no, I got it, no worries, and they're okay with doing it. But at the same time, it is essentially that they don't want to give up the reins, because they want to make sure that the project is perfect and they feel solely responsible for that.
Laura:The third one is the natural genius. Now, this type is the one who feels that everything should be easy, that things shouldn't require much effort, because they believe that they're very smart and able and capable. But the problem here is that they're unwilling to acknowledge that sometimes you need help, sometimes you may struggle in understanding and learning new things. Because of that, they tend to downplay their achievements, believing that they should have done better or they should have done everything without much effort. And a good example of that is when you think of valedictorians.
Laura:I remember when I was in college I would see this all the time where you would have people from all over the country, all over the world, coming into this university because it was an Ivy League university, right. The acceptance rate was pretty low. They were excited, right. Some of these people would come from small towns of middle America, wherever, and they wholeheartedly believed where they were that they were the smartest, they were the most. You know they're geniuses at home, but then when you come into an institution where everybody's smart, everybody's a genius I mean I wouldn't call myself a genius, but everybody there was definitely a genius I definitely felt that imposter syndrome where I was like, wow, everybody just knows everything. It ends up creeping up on you because you start seeing these people just answer everything, just eloquently and perfectly, and Eventually you would see students sometimes take a semester off, take a break, because they would feel so overwhelmed, because the people around them were always so put together that it ends up being intimidating and that's why that natural genius ends up feeling like they're not worthy anymore.
Laura:The fourth one is the soloist, and this type believes that they can accomplish everything alone, and they tend to just. They love to work alone. They refuse to ask for help, seek help, they refuse to let other people help them because if they did, then they would feel like somebody will figure out that they're incompetent, now that doesn't mean that they are. It's just like this is the way that their brain is communicating that to them that well, if somebody comes and works with me, somehow they're going to find out that I'm not as good enough as they are and they end up taking these heavy workloads. Never ask for help, afraid to if you're incompetent, and it ends up leading them to burnout and crashing out. The last one is the expert crashing out. The last one is the expert, and this type expects to know everything and feels ashamed if they don't. They may over-prepare and be hesitant to speak up in meetings out of fear that they will be exposed of not knowing enough. So they tend to just sit in the back, not speak. They're there, they're present, but their presence is not really felt. Because they're there, they're present, but their presence is not really felt because they're just so afraid to say the wrong thing or act in the wrong way. So the expert is always holding themselves back because they're afraid again that people are going to believe that they're not really an expert as they, as they, believe.
Laura:Now imagine that you're a new college graduate and you go through a bunch of interviews and eventually you're hired by one of your favorite companies. You're nervous, yet excited at the same time. But these thoughts start running through your head wondering you know, how did this company decide to hire me? You see the salary that they offer you and now you're really excited, but yet even more nervous because it's more money than you've ever made as a college student. You don't want to mess this up On your first day.
Laura:You arrive early, you greet everyone, everybody greets you, your boss, your team, and you notice that everyone is just so comfortable in doing their work. And you have a million questions already, which is normal because, again, you just started. These questions feel like a burden to you. You don't want to ruffle any feathers, so you're afraid to ask, out of fear that they may find you stupid or that they think these are stupid questions. You don't want to come off as incompetent, and especially not on your first week, even your first month. So you keep it to yourself and you try to figure things out alone. Your coworker asks time and time again if you need help, but nope, you're totally fine, you've got it all figured out. Everyone goes home and there you are still late, working on this assignment that you were given.
Laura:Eventually, this becomes a pattern. Now you're wondering if you're even cut out for this job. You're stressing out, you're spending most of your free time trying to stay ahead so that you don't fall behind. That's how it eventually becomes a habit. It becomes a pattern, because now you find yourself overworking and burning yourself out because deep inside, you don't feel like you're good enough. You see this in the character of Chris Garner in the Pursuit of Happiness, which is a great movie, by the way, and it's played by Will Smith and in the movie you see how he's struggling. Right, they give him this opportunity and he's trying time and time again to prove himself, to show that he's capable and that he belongs there. There was a point, even when his boss asked him for $5 to take a cab I don't know if you guys remember that and he was homeless, he had no money, he had no way of feeding himself and his son, and he still went ahead and gave him the last $5 that he had. That's an example of how much he was willing to do right, always trying to prove himself, always trying to show that he was good enough to be there. Even though he was an amazing employee, he still tried to go above and beyond than what his duties were, just so that he could prove that he belonged there, and the truth is that he was more than enough.
Laura:With imposter syndrome, you're experiencing these thoughts because you're elevating into a new level, into a new experience to excel in. You're shedding what keeps you comfortable, so let it excite you. Don't look at it as fear. Think of it as excitement for what is to come negative reputation. I'm here to tell you one thing, and that is that it displays a trait that most of us tend to overlook, and that is humility. The opposite of that is someone who has this cognitive bias in which they feel overconfident in their skills and their abilities but the reality is very different and their abilities, but the reality is very different. People like this tend to display overconfidence when they speak, but they know far less than they let on. They don't ask questions because they feel like they know everything, and so running on assumptions could essentially lead to disaster, right, especially in the workplace. I guarantee you that most people you work with would rather work with someone who has imposter syndrome, because people like this are teachable, they're willing to learn, they have a growth mindset because they want to become better. They're not boasting about how much they know or that they know it all, and people who think like that can be a little toxic. I will say so. That is why it's easier to hire someone, in my opinion, who is humble yet eager to learn, than someone who is essentially a know-it-all.
Laura:If you're thinking to yourself well, I think I have imposter syndrome. What should I do? Well, the first step is to admit that you have it. Fear is the biggest scam within your psyche, and your success and growth is on the other side of it. So don't let doubt, confuse fear with unworthiness. You are more than capable of becoming who you've always meant to be. Take the first step and the road to your goals and dreams will become clear. Don't be afraid to admit that you feel insecure, that you feel unworthy, and being aware of it will help you recognize when it creeps up on you. So recognizing it will make you better equipped to deal with it in the long term, because the truth is, it never goes away. You're always going to find yourself in situations and in places and even relationships where you're always going to feel some type of imposter syndrome. So the best thing to do is recognize it, admit it and find ways to mitigate those feelings.
Laura:The first thing I will tell you is to tell that inner voice to shut up. Literally, our brains are sometimes our enemy. It will tend to want to change our minds, almost always in a negative way. And removing those doubts and recognizing that your brain is having a power struggle with you is when you can take your power back and say wait a minute, I am stronger than this. You're not going to dictate how I think I got this, so don't let it win you over. Don't let it win. Take control of your thoughts and keep it moving. And a good way to do that is to replace those negative thoughts with positive ones.
Laura:Celebrate your wins, remind yourself of everything you have achieved, because obviously you're not starting from day one. You've achieved so much before that, so remember all of the things you have achieved before you reach that point. And imposter syndrome is the opposite of having a hype man. It pushes you to believe that you don't deserve recognition nor applause. It is a voice within that wants you stuck, because growth is scary. But the beauty of growth is knowing that you have the power to reach whatever goals you set your sights on. Only you have the power to change your future, so make sure you celebrate your wins.
Laura:If you don't feel like you have much to celebrate, then visualize yourself being somewhere in the future, being in a higher position, at a higher level, at a bigger office, whatever that is. Visualize it, think about it. Think bigger than where you are right now and I promise you that your current situation will seem almost irrelevant. You will feel like you know, I could definitely be in a bigger office, I could definitely be in a higher position. Because I'm visualizing it now, your current situation at that point will become like just any other routine. So make sure you visualize your dreams where you want to be next, because wherever you are now is going to seem like no big deal Every time. You have those insecure thoughts, those imposter syndrome thoughts. I want you to think of it this way.
Laura:Think of it as being someone's plus one at a wedding. Think of it as you being invited to a party and you don't know anyone there. But remember you were invited, you were given a seat at a table, so it doesn't matter that you don't know anyone because you were asked to show up. You get to eat the same food, you get to drink the same drinks as everyone else. There's nothing that says oh wait, wait a second, you're the plus one, you don't get to do the same things as everyone else. That doesn't happen, right? Hey, even Uncle Joe will come up to you and say, hey, hey, niece, hey, nephew, they'll give you this big hug, they'll treat you like everyone else. You can catch the bouquet if you're a woman, if you're a guy, you know, you can hang out with the boys, you can even join the cousins when the electric slide comes on. Nobody's checking you to say, hey, you're the plus one, you can't be here, you can't come and do the electric slide or the cha-cha-cha.
Laura:On the other hand, you could choose to stay at the table, not talk to anyone, not dance, maybe eat, maybe get up and talk to people. You don't have to come out of your comfort zone, but then you're not going to have fun, you're not going to really enjoy being there. You're going to play with your phone and figure out when you can leave. Maybe wait for the cake, because, hey, cake, especially Dominican cake, it's always bomb. But what I'm trying to say is that there is no set rule to how you can show up.
Laura:The point is that you were invited. You were given a seat at the table, and if you were given a seat at the table, that means that people believe in you, people trust you, people believe in your expertise and your knowledge and your skills. Think about it you are being given the privilege to sit in the same rooms as everyone else. You are being given the privilege to sit in the same meetings and having the same conversations, providing your own perspectives. This is highly valuable and you should be proud of those things. Never believe that you're not good enough, because if you were invited to the party, chances are that you deserve to be there, and all that matters is that you were invited. You showed up. Make the best of it and dance. Come on, you know you want to dance.
Laura:My point is to enjoy the moment, enjoy the opportunity, enjoy the place, Enjoy the blessing that you've been given the opportunity. Enjoy the place, enjoy the blessing that you've been given. Sometimes we don't realize how fortunate we are by being somewhere, by working somewhere, by being friends with someone. We have to take stock in all of the blessings that we have and never assume that you're not worthy of it. This happens when you're dating too, by the way you end up overthinking and thinking oh my God, this person didn't call me at exactly two minutes later, so that means that they don't like me. That means that I must not be good enough. Why haven't they called me? These are thoughts that take over and you have to make sure that you monitor those and recognize it so that in the future you're not driving yourself crazy. Just enjoy the moment. Enjoy the time that you have wherever you are, and make it count. Have a good story to tell.
Laura:If you're someone who believes that either your coworker or someone you manage is displaying these signs of imposter syndrome, take some time to get to know them. Set up a meeting with them. Ask them how they're doing. Chances are they may say everything is fine, but offer them help anyway. Let them know that you are available, that whenever they need someone to provide guidance or advice, you can be there for them. Show them that you genuinely want to help them, that you want them to succeed. And you can't be performative in this. You have to actually do the work so that you can build a sense of trust, so that they feel like they belong. If they're doing something really well, tell them, let them know. Give them public praise whenever you can. In the Navy we used to always say critique in private but praise in public, and I've always taken that with me because it does do wonders for someone's self-esteem. It also helps build that sense of trust, knowing that you don't want to make me look bad in front of people, which is essentially what someone with imposter syndrome worries about all the time. Let them know that they're not alone and that you're there to support them.
Laura:In closing, you have to remember that we are all new at something at some point in our lives. We're not born knowing anything at all. We grow by learning about the world and our surroundings. The expectation that we must excel at everything we do oftentimes stems from a childhood wound, where we are taught to never stop working, never stop achieving. Here's the thing. We also have to stop and smell the roses and enjoy the fruit of our labor. We're constantly trying to one-up ourselves and because of that there is never a dedicated time to just be, to savor all of the accomplishments that we've earned, because, yes, they've been earned. So continue to celebrate your wins and give yourself grace when you start something new.
Laura:In the end, we're all human, even the people you believe are the geniuses in the room are also insecure and unsure at times. They probably experience imposter syndrome, just like you. I'm pretty sure of that. So the truth is that you don't know how many people admire what you do and are inspired by your work, your abilities. You may not hear it all the time or at all, but there is someone out there who is proud of you, who is inspired by you and all you have accomplished. When you look at yourself in the mirror today, tell yourself I am strong, I am smart, I can do anything I set my mind to, and you can add a little shimmy in there too. Well, I would. I definitely will. So remember every day is an invitation to show up. Show the world just how amazing you are and don't let anyone tell you different. That is all for this week. Don't forget to like, share and subscribe. Once again, thank you so much for listening to the Main Allure podcast. I am your host, lauraura, and until next time, bye.
